It's late: late July 00, late at night, and late for writing this. If I was stronger, I would have written it sooner because I know the healing that it will produce. It is late because I fear the pain it will bring me before the healing can happen so I delayed and delayed.
Two Difficult Decisions
Today, windsurfing on the bay, I knew that tonight would be the night for writing the Tom and Abby memorial. I made my decision today as I was windsurfing with Larry. This is how it should be because when I was saying goodbye to my dogs, Larry was saying goodbye to his father. I remember our hike back in March when I told him I had decided to put them down. We were sitting on a hill top far from the madness of the bay area, the sky was threatening to rain and matched our feelings perfectly. When I told him my decision, he didn't hesitate, "it's the right decision" he said. Just then a rainbow came out. Those words were the treasure at the end of the rainbow that I had never found before. They helped me do what I knew I had to do. But still, the question "is this too soon" ran through my mind a hundred times. In the end, Tom and Abby added even more assurance to Larry's words and saved my sanity.
I have tried to understand why my loss has hurt so much. Tom and Abby were my family for 12 years, but as I have said many times, they were the worst dogs I ever had. They say that dogs are like their owners. Those of you who know me might think I am the worst friend your have ever had; I don't give birthday presents, don't knock… the list is embarrassingly long, but in some ways I am quite exceptional, even magical. And now I have realized that the same is true of Tom and Abby. That is why I am here, late at night so no one can see my tears to write about the magic of these two terrible dogs and, I see, about me too.
Their Greatness Shone Through in the End
I truly hope that I am like Tom and Abby, then on my last day I will give to my closest friend a most wonderful gift. At first it seemed amazing that Tom and Abby failed so quickly and at the same time, but now I know that it was not so amazing. It was just more of their magic. The day for our last vet visit was set. The terrible vet visit. That date rushed towards me like an avalanche. Then the final night was upon me. Time had come for our last walk together. I wondered how bad it would be; Tom dragging his toe nails with every painful step and Abby breathing hard just to walk. I opened the door and said "let's go." No response. Normally, you couldn't follow their acceleration. That last night, they didn't even move. When I needed to know that they were ready to end the pain, they found a way to tell me. What wonderful, terrible, magical, dogs. Tom and Abby, I know now, that I will not stop missing you and I promise that I shall not stop loving the memories you have given me.
Back to The Table of Contents | One Final Mystery Uncovered
Today's Dog
The backyard of my new place looks like this:
That is way too many flowers to let dogs run around in. So I fenced in a run that goes around the perimeter. It is a good length for small dogs, but even medium dogs would find it too confining. So I decided to get little dogs. Real little dogs. Meet Edward: Edward is supposed to stay off the bed unless I say OK or unless he can hide under the blankets.
Nice try Edward but I think your butt is sticking out a bit
The problem is that I have not been able to find a mate for Edward. I have tried four other dogs and all had problems that I wasn't able to solve. Some were not house trained even though I have a doggie door to the back. Some didn't get along with Edward. So right now Edward is alone. I work near home so I can go home for lunch. Also squirrels running from the backyard trees to the walnut tree in my front yard keep him running all morning. From his favorite spot where he can watch for squirrels, my office couch, Edward must run through the following places to get to where the squirrels will cross:
Part of my office and the hall
Part of the living room
The kitchen
One doggie door
The garage
Another doggie door
The long side of the yard (dictated by a fence)
The back of the yard (dictated by another fence)So Edward keeps pretty active especially since hunting season has started up. Due to Edwards size, he hunts flies Sometimes he actually catches them and then he remembers, he can't stand the taste.
Edward with a Real Dog Guest
These pictures are a bit deceiving. Edward is not timid, but every time I point my camera at him he takes on a"please don't blind me with that thing again" look. Usually, he struts around very purposefully with military bearing. This has resulted in one of his nicknames, The Little Guy. His other nickname is Mr. Quick Toes. That nickname was the result of a few escapes out the front door. He is finally listening to "stay" and "come here", but his quick toes got him some free runs before he gave in. Here is Edward being very obedient. "Edward, raise your right ear."
Edward is actually a great dog and very strong for weighting only 17 pounds. When I walk him, he pulls like crazy. I have to use a harness or he chokes. You would think it would be easy to train him out of this, but I decided to join him instead of train him. I harnessed him to a razor scooter. Edward pulled it so fast that I had to upgrade to an adult scooter with better brakes. So, if you see a little dog flying by pulling a grown man on a scooter, try not to laugh.
Update Feb 2005
It looks like I finally found a friend for Edward, Romie. Romie isn't much of a dog, being fearful and self centered, but he gets along well with Edward and is starting to come along. Go Romie.
Edward and Romie petrified and terrorized
by the little box with one eye
that explodes with lightThere are much better cancer treatments than chemo, but your doctor is not even allowed to talk about them. What Happened to Good Medicine?
Is there a method for quickly testing alternative cancer treatments on dogs and other animals? There sure is but it is based on advanced principles with which many people are unfamilar.
